At Random

Team USA’s participation in the World Cup has come to a disappointing end. I mean, aren’t we supposed to be #1 in everything?

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Thanks to a recent state legislature     oversight, we now    carry THC-infused beer! These brews are       perfect for those who want an unsatisfactory experience with both  intoxicants.

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It’s that time of year again! Shake out that sweater your wife tells you to wear because it’s time for the family holiday-party circuit.

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Three members of the church Men’s Club were asked by their priest, “When you’re in your casket, and friends, family, and members of the congregation are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?” 

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An eight-year-old boy was walking down the road when a car pulled up. “If you get in,” the driver said, “I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.” The boy refused and kept walking. 

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Jesus was strolling through Heaven when he saw an old man sitting on a cloud, staring into the distance. “Old man,” said Jesus, “This is Heaven! Why are you so sad?”

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Sven and Ole were sitting around talking over a few cold beers.

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Ballot Boxes

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Campaign season is mercifully drawing to a close next week. The currently pervasive attack and scaremongering ads will soon be replaced by good-old soda, truck, and insurance spots.

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Pursuant to I.R.C. § 4461 -  dependents of any age must forfeit between 10-30% of any portion or all of their meals to their father upon request.

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On values and standards in his program: “I love when I hear about these programs that have five goals posted up in the locker room. And No. 1 is no guns. Well, no s#!t.”

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Inflation is bad, we all know that. But has it gotten so extreme that traditionally-inexpensive, fast food is now out of reach for most consumers?

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A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later, and walks away.

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Nancy stood over her approach-shot for what seemed an eternity. She waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn’t start her back swing.

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A journalist visiting Israel heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

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"I said smile!"

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Leaves are changing, wardrobes are turning over, and holiday-card obligations are fast approaching. You know what that means.

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I’m Gary Sullivan, father, husband, businessman and candidate for Congress. My opponent and several unfriendly journalists have brought up instances in my past to paint me as some kind of deviant who is out of touch with the common man. I think by addressing a few of these “occurrences” you’ll see that I’m just a regular guy doing normal things.

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Hi, I’m Carl Peterson, your faithful Congressman for the past six years. I’ve spent the last four months traveling our district and listening to voters’ concerns. Wouldn’t you know it, the same topics came up time and time again.

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A woman, married three times, walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. “Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color are you looking for?” 

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